Definitely been an interesting few weeks. And if you also read my husband Sean’s blog, you can probably guess a major difference we have, as far as openness and sharing details! But, I think it’s time for me to write about it as well.
Some words/phrases that stand out in my mind, shaping recent events:
“Are you with Sean at the ER? Is he ok?”
“Pneumonia… Lung mass… bronchoscopy.”
“Cancer. ” “Non-small cell cancer.”
“Stage 3b. Aggressive treatment.”
“We love you.”
“We’re praying for you.”
“Let us know if there’s anything you need.”
I find myself feeling a little low. Ok, maybe that’s an understatement or too general. Like, knocked down or punched in the gut. I’m very surprised. I’m sad for Sean, that he will have to endure some pretty tough times ahead, and sad about the situation. I am feeling supportive of Sean, and want to encourage him in any way he needs. Disappointed that surgery is not an option at this point. Reeling a little bit from the hit.
Amidst all the feelings that come with this kind of thing, and all the doctor appointments and tests Sean has had to endure recently, I am also thankful. Low, but thankful. There is an amazingly overwhelming community that supports us, that honestly spans around the globe. I still can’t comprehend it, and I am SO thankful for it. People who don’t even know us, but are family because of Jesus, are praying for us. That blows my mind. And I’m thankful. For meals that people have brought and friends that have made themselves available, I am thankful.
I also see God in the background of events. When we heard the news that Sean’s biopsy was positive for cancer, we happened to be with his family, at the end of a weekend celebrating his dad’s birthday. And I am thankful to have been able to be with everyone- that it wasn’t at the beginning of the weekend (even though we were desperately trying to get results over the phone), God had seriously good timing. And to top it off, we were able to spend a few hours in the car on the way home from Fort Bragg that day, just Sean and I, processing the news. We don’t have a car, so this is a very rare thing. But a friend of ours, Isaac, was generous enough to let us use it that weekend. And God had seriously good timing. I am thankful.
I’ve been trying to get a second job since the beginning of the school year, and it hasn’t happened yet. I get off work at 1:30 every day, so a second job would be helpful and I have time for it. Now, I am so thankful that I don’t have a second job- I can easily go to Sean’s appointments that are in the afternoon, and in the upcoming months when I need to take off work, I only have to worry about one job.
Not many people know, but Sean and I were planning on trying to start a family. We decided that around our second anniversary (mid September) would be a good time to start trying. Our anniversary came and went, and it just didn’t seem like the right time yet so we didn’t make any changes. Now, I see that God was providing for us, in a way that may seem odd or different. And I’m thankful.
So… there it is. My thoughts from lately. I may not be writing about this as much as Sean, but I am also thankful that he has a place to process everything, and to inform all the people we care about simultaneously. We will see what the next steps bring!