The tension.

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I love my husband.  I see the amazing qualities I already knew he had- I see them now so much more fully in how he is handling a diagnosis with cancer.  He is beautifully strong, and so full of hope and encouragement.

That’s what makes this phase so difficult.  The waiting… I think it will be another week or two before any treatment starts.  In the waiting, there is a tension between trying to be prepared, and trying not to think about it.  When I try to prepare myself for what Sean’s side effects may look like from treatment, it quickly becomes overwhelming and depressing.  I feel a little helpless, in trying to prepare how to best support him for what he will need.  I have no idea what he will need in the upcoming months.  And when I think about the possibilities of what he may need… well.  Then I just need a break from thinking about it.

I’m not really writing this to get encouragement or to receive kind messages with Bible verses, because I honestly know how amazingly supported both Sean and I are.  And I truly appreciate it.  I’m writing this to be honest; to show the process.  And because I know that I’m personally combing through the internet, looking for blogs from people in similar situations.  Maybe someone else is also doing the same, and this can be an honest reflection someone can relate to.

8 thoughts on “The tension.

  1. You both are amazing. I cannot tell you how much of a testimony you both are. A gleaming example of honest faith. Please continue to share. You both are always in my prayers.

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